‘Why did you do
this to me? I remember I talked to you last time when we were together. And
today, you made the things worse. I know, this is nobody’s fault, but, you can
help me only right now. You already know every detail of the situation I am in.
Unfortunately, I want to be out of it. Bring me calls, text, emails, trust…please.
Today, that’s all I need to carry on, and it isn't much to ask you for. I am
your child. You have done beyond enough for me, but I can't help but ask for
more. Because, truly, you are the only one who can bring this storm to peace,
who can un-shatter these broken pieces, who can smooth the pottery into
something so perfect. So please, do this for me. Can you be on time today?
Please...?’
And I stood
there for an hour in a false hope, waiting for some miracle to happen. It didn't I recalled the time of last fest in the college, when we both became
friends and I started taking dreams. Then came the time when they came true. We
shared the priceless moments, though for a very short span. I wondered if I was
only sleeping from last few months. I wished that it was merely a dream that I
saw. But, I had to accept the truth and none stood there by my side to support
me. I felt the chill that ran across my body many times. I wanted to jump from
the balcony for a couple of seconds. Then, I struggled to make myself strong.
My eyes were wet. I had nothing to do. I don’t smoke. I would have flown away
the tensions in the rings of the smoke. Life had put me on a way that I couldn't decide and even think. All the emotions that I had collected from years were
flowing out in tears and my mouth was zipped to silence. I could hear the small
insects buzzing and giving me a company. For the first time in the life, I had
no clue aboutmyself. I felt like a loser several times.
‘Why the fuck
did she came in my life?’ I asked myself and then, it remained unanswered. The
wind that blew asked me such million questions in my ears. I have loved her.
Would she have loved me ever? I felt as if some chain was knotted around my
heart and was pulled from both the ends. Her smile was coming in front of my
eyes again and again. I often used to say her, ‘My mom would love you in your
wedding dress.’ And today, all the dreams shattered in few seconds. For a
second, I thought, some famous artist had carved the walls of pain around me in
past few hours. I had nothing left with me. As the time passed, I slowly
started accepting that she has gone and I had to live without her. I would miss
my dream of going out on a long drive during some rainy day and would kiss her
passionately. ‘ Wasn't that weird?’ I thought. I was still imagining her with
myself. ‘I am not made for relationships’, I told myself. I went in and turned
on my phone. From the long list of playlist, I played a song and sat on the
chair in the balcony.
‘maine dil se kaha, dhoondh lana khushi. Nasamajh
laaya gum, to ye gum hi shi..’
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